i started writing in pencil again

because the mistakes i'm making are bad enough

where i actually feel

the need to correct them

 

i started writing in pencil

because it's sickening to assume

i still know what i'm doing

i'm making important decisions

under the influence

because i'm above sober choices 

 

my head is a much friendlier place

after drowning my demons 

i'd drown myself in an

ocean of vodka or whisky rivers

give me a rum and coke and leave me be

i know how to swim 

that doesn't mean i want to

i don't walk on sidewalks anymore

i tip toe the yellow lines

that might lead me away from here

i might end up closer to you 

i don't know where i want to be

​

my feet are weary

from the miles and interstates

that i have carved into my fragile spirit

​

the body is willing

but mine is too weak

to even drag myself out of bed